Birthday this year..

Another first is vastly approaching without you and the emptiness doesn't get any less painful. Every year, you subliminally give me a birthday gift and I never once said thank you. I was completely ungrateful and I know I didn't deserve it. Nothing was handed to you on a silver platter, but you worked your ass off for everything and didn't think twice about giving every last penny of it to me. Another year older, and I feel like in the past year, I've grown more than I have my entire life. Im working hard to make you proud, mom.

When things get rough, just remember

This, too, shall pass.

Someday..we'll know.

As we say our goodbyes to another angel, I can't help but question God's motives. My heart has been so heavy for so many people in the passed few weeks. I start to wonder why. Why do we have to bear such painful situations? I know that if God brings you to it, he will bring you through it. But it seems like the pain just doesn't stop. I know I have to trust the process and that he only takes the best first. I keep praying everyday for some sort of answer. It is not exactly a walk in the park watching your loved ones suffer, but all I can do now is offer up my prayers and hope they lead us to the light in the tunnel. One day I will get answers, but for now..I will keep the faith and walk this painful journey he put me on. 

Just a little inspiration to begin a Happy Friday!

Make today better than yesterday. So many times, we waste our times being angry and asking why when we should take just a minute out of our day to be thankful. I am thankful that I have dirty dishes to wash because that means I had a good meal. I am thankful for laundry to do because that means I have clothes to wear. I am thankful that I can come home tired from a long day at work because that means I can pay the bills. Today and everyday, I am extremely thankful for my supportive fiance. He showed me his selflessness when he dropped everything in his life to help me pick up the pieces to mine. My life right now is good.

Moving on is hard to do, what about the guilt that follows you?

Anyone else feel the tremendous amount of guilt when you find yourself able to smile or just be happy about something? It's been 9 months, going on 10 and I still find it hard to thoroughly enjoy anything. I keep reminding myself that my mom IS in a better place, she wants me to be happy. This guilt definitely hits home when I go to visit her. It is hard to go, and it's equally hard to leave. Everyday is a constant to be happy. Repeated thoughts run through my mind about how I can be happy when my mom isn't alive and healthy. This is when I have to sit and tell myself, she worked long and hard to provide me with a good life, I cannot go on and waste her efforts. Our loved ones would not want anything but the best for their families. It isn't easy, but my mom gave me strength and courage. Life is what I make it, and together we will all grieve together and get through the storm. No rain no rainbows.

Is there a purpose?

I always ask myself this every morning when I wake up. And then I realize, I'm given this opportunity to wake up. An opportunity to go to work. An opportunity to wake up and kiss my fiance and my adorable pup good morning. I have a chance at another day. For that, I am thankful. I have a healthy family, good food to eat, and a warm bed to come home to. I have more than many can say they have. I will live on, I will live on for her. I will make her proud, and I will make my family proud. This life will go on, and it will be lived on better than before. I am thankful.

Aloha 2013!

2012 was probably THE hardest year of my life. I am prepared to wrap it up and move on. My guardian angel will be watching over me as I achieve big things this year. Although she will not be here to watch me get married, or have kids, or do big kid things..I know she's watching me and has the best view from heaven. I will strive to live my life to the fullest and leave a legacy like hers behind. She showed everyone that no matter how much you do, you can always do more. Life is about giving. Life should be selfless. I will open my heart more to others. I will live for my mom. I will make 2013 better than 2012. Happy new year's everyone. xoxo